Love Part 3: Relationships

February 18, 2018

Love Part 3: Relationships

“There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

By the time this post goes up, it will be passed Valentine’s day, so I hope you had a wonderful holiday (is Valentine’s Day considered a holiday?) but even though Valentine’s Day is over, we still have two more posts left in the love series and today we’ll be continuing on with part three.  If you haven’t caught up with parts one and two, you can catch up by clicking on the links below:

So today is all about relationships.  Whether or not you are or aren’t in one currently, this post applies to you so don’t skip it just because you’re sitting there thinking “well I’m single so I don’t need to read this”.  I hear you, but please stick around and hear me out.

See, relationships are tricky.  I had a hard time trying to figure out what to write about for this post, because no matter what I say or no matter what you read on the internet, it really comes down to you.  I can’t tell you how to obtain a perfect relationship because every relationship is different, and there really is no secret recipe to having one.  Sure, there are things that can help keep a relationship healthy and good, but you shouldn’t shape your relationship or a future relationship around what you read on the internet or hear from other people.

Why?  Because I used to do that.  All the time, whether I had one or not, I was obsessed with reading those posts on social media that say things like “how to know if you have a good boyfriend/girlfriend” and “10 signs you have an unhealthy relationship”.  I would use those things to shape my idea of what a relationship was supposed to be, and not based on my beliefs or what the Bible says.

If you really want to know exactly what a perfect relationship looks like, the answers are in the Bible.  A good example is in Ephesians 4:2-3 which says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace”.  All of those things are qualities you want to have in your relationship.  Love does not exist without patience or gentleness.

As for what to look for in a significant other, the only person that can tell you that is yourself.  I strongly disagree with people who think they know exactly who they’re going to be with forever when they meet them.  I mean, sure it may be possible for some people, but really you don’t know someone you just met.  They may have a good first impression, but that impression doesn’t always last.  That’s why dating is a thing.  If everyone just married the person after seeing them one time, can you imagine how high the divorce rates would be then?

The thing is that it takes time to REALLY know someone, and to really know if you want to be with them for a long time.  I don’t think it’s possible to know that after a few days.  You have to love everything about them, even their flaws, which isn’t always easy.  We tend to not like flaws and try to change someone, instead of just embracing them for who they are.  I think that’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned over the years, because no one is ever perfect and part of loving someone is accepting their flaws. 

 The hardest part is probably the waiting.  This is something every person will have struggle with.  It’s that period of your life when you’re looking at the relationships around you and wondering when it will ever happen to you.  Everyone’s been there at one point or another.  The reason for that is because during that time, God is preparing the perfect person for you.  If you’re an artist, you know it takes a long time to create something amazing.  That’s a lot like how it works during the “waiting period”.  

I realized something a few months ago that changed my view on relationships.  When you’re young, relationships can be fun and all, but after a while, you’ll get tired of it and want something “real”.  One day I sat down and said to myself “why would I just keep putting myself through the same situation over and over when I could just save myself the trouble and wait until I have that real one”.  That’s what I’ve stuck to ever since.  I don’t want to be in a relationship just to put it as my Facebook status and snap a few pics.  It’s not worth it to me when I can spend that time growing as a person and enjoying life while I wait for that special person to come into my life.

Honestly it’s one of the best places to be in.  I can’t lie and say it’s not hard sometimes.  There are definitely times when I feel down and lonely, but that’s just part of the process.  I’m a dreamer and I loveeee to fantasize about what my future will be like.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.  For a long time I used to put certain people in those dreams, but now whenever I daydream it’s like just an outline of someone I have yet to meet, and that’s the best part about the dream is thinking and dreaming about the day when that figure won’t be an outline anymore.

The most important thing is to be content.  Be content with where God has you now, and know that He has the best plan already sketched out for your life.  You’ll spend a lot less time stressing and worrying about your life if you let Him guide your path and trust in His plan.  Just as it says in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”.

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